Future girlfriend of my son,
We are not a typical family. Dating is not a casual activity. Our boys are brought up to understand that dating is intentional and purposeful. If you’re having fun on group dates, more power to you! Use the time wisely to get to know my boy. He’s using that time to get to know you.
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Here are some things you need to know if you want to date my son:
1. I am watching you.
Closely. I’ve already successfully navigated this dating game, my dear, and you are a newbie. It doesn’t matter how much of a “good girl” you are. I wore that label too, so I know exactly how easy it is to get away with things. I haven’t spent the last “x” number of years raising my son to be a godly awesome gentleman to leave him in the clutches of every pretty thing that crosses his fancy. I am ALWAYS observing.
2. I’m the most important woman in his life.
For now. I know one day he’ll get married and his wife will become number one. I’m prepared for that to happen, but for now, I hold that special place. Respect that and don’t try to create a wedge between us. It will only cause problems for everyone involved. That said…
3. I want to like you.
I’m praying for my son’s future wife, and that includes the girlfriends, as well. If I’ve done my job well as a parent, you’re probably a pretty great girl. The fact that my son likes you means a lot. If you’re lucky enough to “meet the parents,” it means even more.
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4. Be ready to spend time with the family.
I’m looking forward to having you over for dinner and hanging out with us on family outings. In fact, you should be prepared to be invited to a lot of activities. This is how I will have a closer eye on your relationship, after all. Also, I’m looking forward to evening up the numbers a little. Four guys in this house with only me means there is a lot of testosterone. It’ll be fun to have another girl around.
5. I trust my son.
I try to be a great role model for my son, and hope that he sees how much his father and I love and respect each other. I trust that he wants nothing less for his future life. I hope he’s selective, and because my son and I talk, I know he’s looking for more than a cute face when he’s dating. I trust him, and I want to trust you, but I will never trust the two of you alone together. 🙂 See Chapter 11 in The Cinderella Rule for more on that.
That’s it for now, but there is a whole lot more to be said. I’ll cover more things that you need to know in “If you Want to Date My Son, Pt 2.”
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Bethany,
I appreciate what you have written. I have been thinking of this as well. I have stressed so much rules for dating my daughter and realized what about my son. So here have been my thoughts if any help you in what you are doing. From the perspective of a father.
MY SON IS NOT A TOY. We have worked really hard to build his confidence, and mold him into the young man God wants him to be towards women. If you want to play games then buy a toy leave his heart alone. We will not allow you to undo what God is doing in his life.
HE IS NOT AN ATM. We are teaching him to be fiscally responsible now so that he will not live in our garage later on. Don’t expect him to be your never ending wish list.
YOU ARE NOT HIS MOTHER. Be his friend get to know him, we do not need your help raising him.
LIKE HIM/LOVE HIM (MUCH LATER) FOR WHO HE IS. It is not your job to change him. As he grows and matures he will change as he wants to change. We have seen him change and have helped him to navigate those things in his life.
I PAY FOR HIS CELL PHONE. This means I will read any text and look at any picture whenever I want. End of discussion.
MY SON WAS RAISED TO LOVE HIS MOM AND TREAT HER RIGHT. Do not make fun of him or ridicule him for being a momma’s boy, he is and that is ok. Think of it this way. If he treats his mom (and sisters) with respect how do you think he will treat you. Don’t make him choose, I WILL MAKE SURE YOU LOSE!!!!!
WHEN HE GETS MARRIED HIS WIFE BECOMES HIS PRIORITY. Until that day his priority is family. This will prepare him to understand his role when he has his own. For now we are his family, he plays a very important role in the lives of his mother and sisters.
WE HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR A GODLY WOMAN TO BE HIS WIFE BEFORE HE WAS BORN. We continue to pray and put this in God’s hands.
MY SON AND DAUGHTERS HAVE BEEN RAISED THAT GOD SAYS THE MAN IS THE HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD. The man is to lead BUT, he is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, which means he better be willing to give his life for her. What this means is if you are the woman he chooses to ask to be his wife, he will be willing to DIE for you. If you are not willing to let him lead, then you are not who we have been praying for.
Bob, I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!
Bethany, This is great information. I love what Bob wrote also. I have one child, my precious son. His heart is kind and he will fall hard when he finds the right girl. I have taught him from day one, not to kiss a girl until he is married, (If he waits for engagement I will be happy). He is to treat every girl as a sister until God reveals His bride. When that day comes then he can tell her “I love you”. No other girl should hear that unless he is willing to marry her. My son is 14. There is one girl who keeps trying to get close emotionally and physically. I talked to them and set boundaries, no hand holding, hugs, or kisses. No being in a room alone. She did not like the rules but my son does. My husband and I have a rule that neither one of us will be alone in a room with a person of the opposite sex (only immediate family). My son see’s us putting boundaries in place. I know as parents our deepest desire is for our son to follow hard after Jesus and marry a woman that love Jesus more than him. My son was shocked when I told him I want this for him. “You want me to marry a girl that loves Jesus more than me?” I explained, “If she loves Jesus more she will love you with the love of God, not human love. ” He liked that answer.
LOVE it Cherrilynn!